a lot of the underground music producers i used to enjoy a few years ago, but who weren't lucky enough to get out of being underground - mostly stopped producing. like, the frequency of their new releases has declined exponentially, and a lot of them didn't post anything at all in 2024 yet. and the thing is – i can relate to this so much, despite not being an artist at all. during that time i used to do a lot of cool shit and silly projects too. a lot more than today. and probably the main reason is that *i could afford it*. i didn't have nearly as many responsibilities back then. i wasn't considered an adult. i didn't need to worry about surviving. i just did what i wanted to. and honestly i miss that time so much. realizing that (despite me and them being in some kind of parasocial relationship) we grew up together and now have to face the reality is so... painful? i want to go back so much... i don't want to grow up. i want to keep doing cool shit and having fun. i want *them* to keep doing cool shit and having fun. i want *everyone* to keep doing cool shit and having fun. bleh