@[email protected] this is indeed a weird take (thus the "help" at the end) im just trying to cope or whatever. im a slut for dopamine, and work gives me a lot more of it than relationships ever did. maybe i haven't met the "right person" yet, or maybe im just not meant for this, idk i literally stayed up all night today because my fucking adhd got hyperfixated on that mp4 remuxing thing. and when i made some progress it gave me such a kick that i can't even explain it in words. relationships (or even people in general) never gave me this. solving puzzles is fun. even if there's no point in solving them really. but for some reason i keep doing this. maybe its just me trying to prove myself that im worth something. and me trying to compare myself with my older self, how i struggled with similar problems earlier and how much easier they are for me now. some kind of validation that i am indeed getting better idk.. relationships only gave me something similar to that at the initial "crush" stage. after a few months, when the hormones die down, it starts feeling pointless and meaningless again.. which makes me turn back to work. which in contrast makes the relationship even less meaningful..... sorry